For the first time since I re-entered the workforce, I’m in the closet at work again.
It didn’t happen intentionally. My work* is just mentally demanding enough that it’s distracting to talk, so there is very little opportunity to discuss love lives at work, and being the bisexual type of queer guy, it’s not surprising that I pass for straight very easily. I haven’t actively concealed anything, the only time this part of my life came up, it related to a woman, and now everyone assumes I’m straight.
I find myself pondering if I should pivot a conversation slightly so I can come out and stop wondering what people’s reactions would be. I think about what the one person at work who, by her connection to a guy I briefly dated, may actually know I’m queer already. It’s a very unsettling feeling to have this part of me, which is quite significant, be secret in a part of my life, and it makes me annoyed that the onus is on me to come out.
I would like to please live in a world where people don’t assume I’m straight. I try to do people the courtesy of not making assumptions about their sexuality, (and when I don’t, I’ve been wrong before, so it seems like a good policy!) and it would be nice if they wouldn’t do the same thing to me. I would like to live in a world where it’s never a calculation about coming out- I know, for instance, that anything I do related to being queer could potentially be disruptive to mention in a job application, even if it might qualify me more for a job, and even in liberal Wellington, where Green supporters outnumber Labour supporters. Not everyone is so considerate.
This sort of worrying isn’t healthy, it isn’t good, but then again, neither is blurting out parts of your private life to your coworkers without a reason, which is why I wish I didn’t have to.
* About which I won’t go into detail here. I have agreed to be careful with what I say about work online, and I think that’s actually the best thing to do anyway in this case, as I deal with people’s private information a lot.